Thursday, May 2, 2013

Incredibly Early Pre-Departure Reflections

This is really early, but I'm too excited not to start since Garrett sent me the first blog questions.  So here goes.

I decided to definitely study abroad because I adjusted my major.  I originally had been working on my secondary education certification, which quite honestly over-encumbered my schedule with my English major.  So, once I dropped the certification, I realized that my schedule was significantly less bogged down, even with a creative writing minor.

I have always wanted to travel; ever since I was little and attended my cousin Bethany's wedding with the small origami cranes placed on the tables at the reception.  I gained an interest in Rome through mythology and studying Latin throughout high school.  Unfortunately, I could not go on the Latin club's trip to Greece and Rome.  When I came to Carlow, I searched for a work study job on campus during my sophomore year.  Because I'm a chronic procrastinator, it was pretty much the middle of the semester, and jobs were low.  I was afraid that I wouldn't find one.  My friend Courtney tried to help, but there were no positions like hers in the science department left.  After a few trips to financial aid, I had found that the Center for Global Learning was looking to fill work study positions.  I emailed the CGL and had an interview with Nikki, and because of taking a nice variety of courses in high school (namely graphic design and video production), I was hired.  I have been working in the Center for Global Learning ever since.

To be honest, I always felt awkward because for a good while, I was the only person in the office who hadn't been abroad.  I desperately longed to go, but my major was holding me back.  Once I was finally free of it, I decided I needed to go.  It was no longer a matter of wants or imaginings or fantasies.  I could feel it within me, this intense wanderlust.  I talked to my roommate, whom I had discussed studying abroad with before and we decided we'd go on a trip over the summer together.  We discussed the best options, which ended up being between Japan and Thailand - places where we each had relatives.  My cousin in Japan, her uncle in Thailand.  We settled on Thailand due to it being rich in culture as well as being cheap compared to the U.S. and Europe.

I'm not sure how I will be changed, because honestly, that's what I find to be exciting about going to another country.  You can't really tell what will happen.  But I do expect to learn a lot while I'm there - about the culture, the people, the ways of life, the religion, the food, everything.  I want to return far more intelligent and understanding than I am now.  I want to return with stories and knowledge to share with my family and friends and people on campus.  I want the experience to be ingrained with me and I want to inject it into my writing.  I want it to be another facet that makes me purely and uniquely me.  I can take away the things that the Thai people have shared and maybe leave a little piece of myself there as well.  A mutual imprint for the best.  On a less, uh, deep level, I suppose I also want to face my anxieties and become a bolder person.  I know that they rely on bartering in their markets and that honestly kind of scares me because I'm not very assertive all the time.  I hope that I can face this and succeed.  I have been dealing a lot with my anxieties this year and have made a lot of improvement, this will hopefully be a huge step forward for me.

I suppose that is one of my goals.  I also do want to learn about the Thai culture, so I am taking a Thai civilization course.  I hope to learn a lot there and I feel like that will help a lot as I grow accustomed to life in Chiang Mai.  I'm also taking a Buddhist philosophy course.  I have learned about Buddhism in the past - learning about it through an art history course my freshman year, reading Siddhartha in my senior year of high school, as well as taking a trip to the Pittsburgh Buddhist Center with the global floor last year.  But learning about Buddhism in a country that largely practices it will be rather exciting.  I really like Buddhism and if I can learn about it even further, that would be great.

I don't have too many goals, really, I just want to see what I can learn and integrate into my mental framework.  How much do we have in common and what are our differences?  How important are these differences?  What can this culture tell me about myself and the culture I have originated from?  There are so many questions that I haven't even begun to consider.  I hope I can uncover many surprises while abroad.  I don't know how I will achieve it, but I'm assuming that before I know it, I'll find myself understanding just by being there.  I hope I can have interesting discussions with Thai people.  The program has said that we all get Thai Buddies, with whom we will learn.  We will learn a bit of Thai from them and we will help them with English.  I hope that even if there is a language barrier, we can find topics of interest.

I also have to reveal my fears and apprehensions, and I have to say... Everything.  No matter how outgoing I can be, I'm honestly not that brave.  My anxiety stands in my way a lot.  I have some social anxiety and I'm frightened of having to barter and otherwise interact with people who may not understand my language and whose language I currently know nothing about.  I'm afraid of anything and everything that can possibly go wrong, but I have decided that I absolutely cannot let that stand in my way.  I will go and face everything as bravely as possible.  There are about 20 people going on this program to Chiang Mai and they all seem friendly so far.  I'm sure with their help and encouragement, along with my roommate Carrie, I will manage to face all of these things I worry about.

My answer about the thing I am most excited about is pretty much the same.  I am looking forward to everything, even the things that may be scary.  I want different sights, sounds, and smells.  I want to feel their fabric and taste their food, hear their language all pushing in on me.  I want to see their interactions and learn about what's important to them through their culture.  There is so much I do not truly understand about the world and I'm glad to be going to somewhere so vastly different from my own world of Baldwin Borough  Pittsburgh, Carlow, Pennsylvania.

This was way longer than I'm sure was expected from anyone, including me, but thank you for reading!

-Gabe